Wow. My body is so very grateful to have been spared another treatment of Adriamycin. Tuesday's Taxol infusion and the aftermath have been much easier than the four prior AC infusions.
Mom and I arrived at the cancer center at 7:45 a.m. Tuesday morning. After blood work and some waiting, we were ushered into the chemo room and settled in around 9:15. I got the usual Kytril and Decadron (I had also taken some of these steroids the night before) and then got doses of Benadryl and Atavan. Those last two knocked me for a loop and I might misremember some details here, but nothing too awful, I'm sure. The Taxol infusion started, finally, around 10:45.
The nurse, Susan, was really helpful and explained to me and Mom everything she was doing. We both know a fair amount already, but I always prefer when a medico bothers to explain what they're doing--I much prefer a lack of mystery in my medical encounters.
All the little chemo cubicles have two chemo chairs (little recliners next to IV drips) and Mom and I were joined by a very nice woman named Pat, who was getting chemo for her second bout with ovarian cancer. One of the more interesting conversation points for me (well, at least, as much as I can remember) was about the concept of "chronic cancer". I've had several friends with breast cancer or with benign lumps or just cysts, and increasingly, breast cancer is being viewed as a treatable disease. It's kind of a freaky view after growing up with the notion that cancer equals death. (Well, a freaky view but also an extremely *welcome* one).
This notion, though, also requires a certain adjustment in one's thinking about life's duration. I will finish chemo in early January, undergo radiation, and then get a PET scan for the hoped-for "all clear". And then, because breast cancer can pop back after many years in remission, I will continue to be tested regularly in the hopes that I will continue to get these "all clear" results. And at some point, if the cancer makes an unwelcome appearance, I will go through some version of all this again. Kind of a drag. But, as they say, it sure beats the alternative.
I think if you had told me all this a year ago I would have found it extremely depressing. But after going through what I've experienced thus far, I am not so much "Zen" about it as I am matter-of-fact. The cancer is a fact. And so is the treatment. And there it is. Nothing more or less than that. (Frank might disagree with that perspective somewhat, as he told me at breakfast this morning that when this is all over I need to ensure it doesn't happen again. Because, as he noted, it's really not fun.)
So, anyway. Philosphical interlude aside, the treatment went well. Mom and I left the cancer center around 2 p.m. She drove me home and I settled into the sofa for an episode of Columbo and the occasional dozing. I don't even remember going to bed, but I obviously did because--and here's where the fun starts--I awoke at 1:23 a.m., and was not able to get back to sleep. I gave it the old college try for quite a while and gave up the ghost around 3. I've had insomnia before, post-chemo, but this was different. I had some energy and so decided to get some work done. I logged in on the PC and was amazingly productive.
Around 8:30 in the morning I went for a walk with Deirdre Greene, and then continued working until about 1 p.m., when I had to go back to the cancer center for my Neulasta shot. I figured that, after chemo and no sleep, I'd be ready to crash after that, but no! I went to Ashby Lumber and picked up a toilet to replace the almost useless upstairs toilet (Superior Plumbing installed it today and yay! we have a toilet that actually works now). After Ashby Lumber, I went to 4th Street and got a little bit of holiday shopping done. And then I went to the market to get some juice to ease the ingestion of the glutamine I'm taking to (hopefully) prevent the neoropathy associated with Taxol. Finally, around 4 p.m., I decided to take things easy.
This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but given my past infusion experiences, this was beyond delightful. I was positively giddy with the energy I was feeling. Oh, and all this was without any drugs. No nausea, no nothing. It was lovely.
Yesterday, Thursday, I experienced some of the muscle pain my doctor warned me about, but that was easily handled with Tylenol and Advil. It could be that my body was just happy to have a change from the Adriamycin, and it could be that Taxol will just be easier. But for now, it's just really, really nice to not be doped up or nauseous or tired.
Now the only remaining hardship is the conjunctivitis I can't shake. I have an appointment with an opthalmologist on Monday to try to address this and in the meantime, I figure I can just deal.
And this weekend? Tomorrow is December 1 and that means I get to harrass my family into decorating for Christmas (not that it requires that much harrassment). We'll do everything but the tree, and then I hope to drag my mother around to some of the open studios in our area this weekend, just for fun and to get in the spirit.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
...That Flesh Is Heir to
In Hamlet's "To be or not to be" soliloquoy, he talks about "The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to." And he never went through chemo. :-)
What we all know (or think we know) about chemo is that it makes you nauseous and it makes your hair fall out, right? Well, not to be a downer, but there's a few other side effects that don't get as much press. They're not life-threatening, or debilitating, and also usually not apparent (like the hair loss), but they are a drag and when they're cumulative, they can be a real PITA.
Between mouth sores, a case of conjunctivitis I can't seem to shake, and some lower GI issues that have some other implications (I'm *trying* to be discreet), it's hard sometimes not to whine.
This reminds me a bit of when I was pregnant and I was left to discover some of the side effects of pregnancy and childbirth that aren't discussed in all those helpful books. While it's true that all my symptoms are listed on the literature for the meds I'm taking, I didn't really pay much heed. Because I almost never have the potential side effects they warn about when I am given new medication. But chemo is a whole new world, as I keep learning.
Meanwhile, my parents are visiting for the holidays and we're having a really nice visit. We've been playing card games and just hanging, for the most part. And Mom will go with me tomorrow to my first Taxol infusion.
Emily was home for the weekend and Frank was shocked to see that her head did not seem to have grown to accommodate her bigger brain. Our friend John says that doesn't happen until sophomore year, so we've relaxed a bit.
What we all know (or think we know) about chemo is that it makes you nauseous and it makes your hair fall out, right? Well, not to be a downer, but there's a few other side effects that don't get as much press. They're not life-threatening, or debilitating, and also usually not apparent (like the hair loss), but they are a drag and when they're cumulative, they can be a real PITA.
Between mouth sores, a case of conjunctivitis I can't seem to shake, and some lower GI issues that have some other implications (I'm *trying* to be discreet), it's hard sometimes not to whine.
This reminds me a bit of when I was pregnant and I was left to discover some of the side effects of pregnancy and childbirth that aren't discussed in all those helpful books. While it's true that all my symptoms are listed on the literature for the meds I'm taking, I didn't really pay much heed. Because I almost never have the potential side effects they warn about when I am given new medication. But chemo is a whole new world, as I keep learning.
Meanwhile, my parents are visiting for the holidays and we're having a really nice visit. We've been playing card games and just hanging, for the most part. And Mom will go with me tomorrow to my first Taxol infusion.
Emily was home for the weekend and Frank was shocked to see that her head did not seem to have grown to accommodate her bigger brain. Our friend John says that doesn't happen until sophomore year, so we've relaxed a bit.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving Week!
I am so very, very happy to say that I am done with Adriamycin and Cytoxan. Ick, ick, and ick again. I have reached that point in chemo where just the *thought* of chemotherapy makes me feel queasy, so I am especially pleased to be starting the next course of treatment next week.
Jackie was my chemo-buddy for the final AC. We got to find the other chemo room, downstairs, the existence of which I was completely unaware until we spent several hours there. Jackie was remarkably well-equipped with magazines, water bottles, and even a conversation topic game. She also brought her camera and so I am able to include this pic of me and Dr. Kuan.
I have my blood draw and check-up with Dr. Kuan tomorrow, at which point I'll schedule my Taxol infusions. If everything goes according to plan, we're most likely looking at one infusion next week, two in December, and one in early January, and then (dare I say it?) we're done with chemo. More importantly, the Taxol is supposed to be easier to take than the AC. A small percentage of folks have a bad reaction to the Taxol (such as my friend Karen C-O), and Dr. Kuan says we'll know right away if I'm in that minority (fingers firmly crossed).
Meanwhile? The holidays are starting! Yay! I'm a huge sucker for Thanksgiving and Christmas and already am listening to holiday music at work, and at home when I can get away with it (it scandalizes Frank, so, not too often at home). My parents are already in California after a mad dash across the continent (the story of their 2007 RV trials and tribulations are really fodder for a whole other blog) and should be at Travis Air Force Base in Fairfield early tomorrow.
Emily found a ride from UCSB and gets home sometime Wednesday evening.
We feel lucky to be spending Thanksgiving with John & Lynn and their table(s) of 27. I love big Thanksgivings, and we've been honored to be included in the Price family Thanksgiving for several years now. It will be lovely to relax and visit and just enjoy the holiday.
We wish you and yours the very best, happy, peaceful holiday. See you again after Turkey Day.
Jackie was my chemo-buddy for the final AC. We got to find the other chemo room, downstairs, the existence of which I was completely unaware until we spent several hours there. Jackie was remarkably well-equipped with magazines, water bottles, and even a conversation topic game. She also brought her camera and so I am able to include this pic of me and Dr. Kuan.
I have my blood draw and check-up with Dr. Kuan tomorrow, at which point I'll schedule my Taxol infusions. If everything goes according to plan, we're most likely looking at one infusion next week, two in December, and one in early January, and then (dare I say it?) we're done with chemo. More importantly, the Taxol is supposed to be easier to take than the AC. A small percentage of folks have a bad reaction to the Taxol (such as my friend Karen C-O), and Dr. Kuan says we'll know right away if I'm in that minority (fingers firmly crossed).
Meanwhile? The holidays are starting! Yay! I'm a huge sucker for Thanksgiving and Christmas and already am listening to holiday music at work, and at home when I can get away with it (it scandalizes Frank, so, not too often at home). My parents are already in California after a mad dash across the continent (the story of their 2007 RV trials and tribulations are really fodder for a whole other blog) and should be at Travis Air Force Base in Fairfield early tomorrow.
Emily found a ride from UCSB and gets home sometime Wednesday evening.
We feel lucky to be spending Thanksgiving with John & Lynn and their table(s) of 27. I love big Thanksgivings, and we've been honored to be included in the Price family Thanksgiving for several years now. It will be lovely to relax and visit and just enjoy the holiday.
We wish you and yours the very best, happy, peaceful holiday. See you again after Turkey Day.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Just Hangin'
I was *supposed* to go shopping with my dear friend Jackie yesterday, but I was a weenie and I bailed. I felt somewhat guilty about it--she had, after all, made time for me during her weekend. It's not as if I was doing anything important yesterday. The most exciting thing I did was walk up Solano with Frank, to get some coffee at Peet's.
You might think (or at least, *I* would think) that during my "good" week, I'd be eager to get things done, to take advantage of not feeling nauseous or crampy or just generally icky. And Saturday morning, we ran quite a few errands and accomplished a lot. But I'm finding that during my so-called good days, I want nothing more than to laze around, enjoying the fact that I don't feel like crap. For example, I really had planned to get some laundry done yesterday. A modest ambition, right? Did any laundry get done? Absolutely none. Ah well. That's what the "is it clean or is it dirty" clothing pile is for, right? :-)
During our walk yesterday, Frank and I stopped at Five Star Video to get our week's worth of Columbo DVDs. We've always been big Columbo fans, and we have found these DVDs to be pretty wonderful for chemo recovery. We've seen almost all of them, but we can't always remember whodunit, and it's always fun to watch Columbo trip up the "smarter than thou" murderer. And the ones we haven't seen are interesting (and you can sort of see why they're not in constant rotation with the others).
Spielberg and Jonathan Demme both directed episodes. And Steven Bochco (Hill Street Blues, LA Law, and NYPD Blue) was an occasional writer. And the actors! It's so much fun to watch Roddy McDowall play an entitled nephew who rigs a cigar box to blow up in his uncle's limo (thus paving the way for him to run the family chemical empire).
And what can one say about Peter Falk? He's just brilliant, that's all. We're still in Season One, so we're enjoying watching the evolution of the idiosyncrasies that we have attached to his character over the years. In the first couple episodes, he drank bourbon. By the fifth episode, no more drinking. In the first season, his cigar is always lit, but we know that later, it never is. He talks about his wife, the famous-by-her-absence Mrs. Columbo, from the get-go. But the dog (named "Dog") doesn't show up till later.
If you've not seen Columbo in a while (or <gasp!> you've never seen it), rent some episodes from your local DVD shop the next time you're feeling under the weather. It's perfect sick-time viewing.
You might think (or at least, *I* would think) that during my "good" week, I'd be eager to get things done, to take advantage of not feeling nauseous or crampy or just generally icky. And Saturday morning, we ran quite a few errands and accomplished a lot. But I'm finding that during my so-called good days, I want nothing more than to laze around, enjoying the fact that I don't feel like crap. For example, I really had planned to get some laundry done yesterday. A modest ambition, right? Did any laundry get done? Absolutely none. Ah well. That's what the "is it clean or is it dirty" clothing pile is for, right? :-)
During our walk yesterday, Frank and I stopped at Five Star Video to get our week's worth of Columbo DVDs. We've always been big Columbo fans, and we have found these DVDs to be pretty wonderful for chemo recovery. We've seen almost all of them, but we can't always remember whodunit, and it's always fun to watch Columbo trip up the "smarter than thou" murderer. And the ones we haven't seen are interesting (and you can sort of see why they're not in constant rotation with the others).
Spielberg and Jonathan Demme both directed episodes. And Steven Bochco (Hill Street Blues, LA Law, and NYPD Blue) was an occasional writer. And the actors! It's so much fun to watch Roddy McDowall play an entitled nephew who rigs a cigar box to blow up in his uncle's limo (thus paving the way for him to run the family chemical empire).
And what can one say about Peter Falk? He's just brilliant, that's all. We're still in Season One, so we're enjoying watching the evolution of the idiosyncrasies that we have attached to his character over the years. In the first couple episodes, he drank bourbon. By the fifth episode, no more drinking. In the first season, his cigar is always lit, but we know that later, it never is. He talks about his wife, the famous-by-her-absence Mrs. Columbo, from the get-go. But the dog (named "Dog") doesn't show up till later.
If you've not seen Columbo in a while (or <gasp!> you've never seen it), rent some episodes from your local DVD shop the next time you're feeling under the weather. It's perfect sick-time viewing.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I Love My Oncologist
I had my check-up with Dr. Kuan on Monday, after a very rough weekend. My stomach still was causing me some distress on Monday and while I waited first for my blood to be drawn and then to see Dr. Kuan, I kept getting teary. I had to keep reminding myself to get a grip, that really I was doing fine, but I kept getting weepy.
So when she entered the examination room, and asked how I was, I just got weepy all over again. I apologized and explained that I am kind of spoiled by just how well my machine of a body typically works. And while there are lots of drugs for the nausea, the stomach cramps that I had been experiencing for three days were really just getting on my last nerve.
And what did my good doctor do? Well, she wrote me a prescription for something to reduce the acid in my stomach (still waiting for insurance to cover that, thank you). But first, she got up and gave me a hug. A really long one. Which made me cry again, of course, because I am nothing if not a one-woman answer to drought. Then she stepped back and said, "You need to do something for yourself this week. Pamper yourself. Get a massage."
Don't you love her? I'm getting a facial tomorrow (clean pores *and* a face, neck, and shoulder massage). Kisses to Dr. Kuan for the permission. If only insurance covered facials.....
Meanwhile, my numbers are still really good (like I said, I have a pretty good machine). So, on to the next and final AC infusion on Tuesday.
So when she entered the examination room, and asked how I was, I just got weepy all over again. I apologized and explained that I am kind of spoiled by just how well my machine of a body typically works. And while there are lots of drugs for the nausea, the stomach cramps that I had been experiencing for three days were really just getting on my last nerve.
And what did my good doctor do? Well, she wrote me a prescription for something to reduce the acid in my stomach (still waiting for insurance to cover that, thank you). But first, she got up and gave me a hug. A really long one. Which made me cry again, of course, because I am nothing if not a one-woman answer to drought. Then she stepped back and said, "You need to do something for yourself this week. Pamper yourself. Get a massage."
Don't you love her? I'm getting a facial tomorrow (clean pores *and* a face, neck, and shoulder massage). Kisses to Dr. Kuan for the permission. If only insurance covered facials.....
Meanwhile, my numbers are still really good (like I said, I have a pretty good machine). So, on to the next and final AC infusion on Tuesday.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Chemo Stinks
I wanted to be a bit more rude in that headline, but decided to spare the feelings of some of my gentler readers. Suffice to say that I would happily donate to any cause that could find a way to cure cancer without chemotherapy. It is a serious drag.
We drove to Santa Barbara on Friday (about a five hour drive) to visit Em for Parents & Family Weekend at UCSB and I was feeling tired but mostly okay. Saturday I was wiped and losing energy fast and by later in the evening, I was accosted by the same cramps that had attacked me on the Saturday after my second infusion of AC. I was pretty miserable for most of Saturday evening/night and Sunday just kept nibbling at carbs to keep my stomach on a mostly even keel as we drove home.
Today, Monday, I feel mostly better but really am so ready to be over this. Ah well. One more infusion of the AC left (next Tuesday) and then we get to do a change-up to the Taxol. I figure, if nothing else, at least my body will be faked out by the change in meds and things should improve, even if just temporarily.
Meanwhile. It was wonderful to see our older daughter in her new milieu and thriving. She's a non-partier at a party school and so I think it's fair to say that she's not finding a surplus of new boon companions. But she's putting herself out there (interning for CALPIRG and working costume crew for the theater department's fall production of Woyzeck) and she seems to be loving some of her classes.
After a five+ hour drive, we arrived Friday evening and picked up Em and took her downtown to State Street for dinner. The next day, Saturday, I was partially mobile and after an aborted campus tour (We bailed after this pithy observation by one of our tour guides: "We have five nobel laureates here at Santa Barbara and they are professors. And they teach"), Em took us into the infamous Isla Vista where we had pizza for lunch. For the rest of the day, I hung out at the University Center while Frank and the girls walked the campus. Em and Maggie had some nice sister-time and went rock climbing at the Rec Center later in the afternoon (Emily: "I'm pretty sure Maggie is part spider monkey") while I got cozy on a sofa at the University Center and Frank checked out the bookstore.
The weather was mostly foggy and/or undecided, so we never did get to the beach or the pool, but that's okay. Emily was the main attraction and we got to see lots of her.
We're looking forward to having her home, if only for a few days, at Thanksgiving.
We drove to Santa Barbara on Friday (about a five hour drive) to visit Em for Parents & Family Weekend at UCSB and I was feeling tired but mostly okay. Saturday I was wiped and losing energy fast and by later in the evening, I was accosted by the same cramps that had attacked me on the Saturday after my second infusion of AC. I was pretty miserable for most of Saturday evening/night and Sunday just kept nibbling at carbs to keep my stomach on a mostly even keel as we drove home.
Today, Monday, I feel mostly better but really am so ready to be over this. Ah well. One more infusion of the AC left (next Tuesday) and then we get to do a change-up to the Taxol. I figure, if nothing else, at least my body will be faked out by the change in meds and things should improve, even if just temporarily.
Meanwhile. It was wonderful to see our older daughter in her new milieu and thriving. She's a non-partier at a party school and so I think it's fair to say that she's not finding a surplus of new boon companions. But she's putting herself out there (interning for CALPIRG and working costume crew for the theater department's fall production of Woyzeck) and she seems to be loving some of her classes.
After a five+ hour drive, we arrived Friday evening and picked up Em and took her downtown to State Street for dinner. The next day, Saturday, I was partially mobile and after an aborted campus tour (We bailed after this pithy observation by one of our tour guides: "We have five nobel laureates here at Santa Barbara and they are professors. And they teach"), Em took us into the infamous Isla Vista where we had pizza for lunch. For the rest of the day, I hung out at the University Center while Frank and the girls walked the campus. Em and Maggie had some nice sister-time and went rock climbing at the Rec Center later in the afternoon (Emily: "I'm pretty sure Maggie is part spider monkey") while I got cozy on a sofa at the University Center and Frank checked out the bookstore.
The weather was mostly foggy and/or undecided, so we never did get to the beach or the pool, but that's okay. Emily was the main attraction and we got to see lots of her.
We're looking forward to having her home, if only for a few days, at Thanksgiving.
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