Change Is Good

Wow. My body is so very grateful to have been spared another treatment of Adriamycin. Tuesday's Taxol infusion and the aftermath have been much easier than the four prior AC infusions.

Mom and I arrived at the cancer center at 7:45 a.m. Tuesday morning. After blood work and some waiting, we were ushered into the chemo room and settled in around 9:15. I got the usual Kytril and Decadron (I had also taken some of these steroids the night before) and then got doses of Benadryl and Atavan. Those last two knocked me for a loop and I might misremember some details here, but nothing too awful, I'm sure. The Taxol infusion started, finally, around 10:45.

The nurse, Susan, was really helpful and explained to me and Mom everything she was doing. We both know a fair amount already, but I always prefer when a medico bothers to explain what they're doing--I much prefer a lack of mystery in my medical encounters.

All the little chemo cubicles have two chemo chairs (little recliners next to IV drips) and Mom and I were joined by a very nice woman named Pat, who was getting chemo for her second bout with ovarian cancer. One of the more interesting conversation points for me (well, at least, as much as I can remember) was about the concept of "chronic cancer". I've had several friends with breast cancer or with benign lumps or just cysts, and increasingly, breast cancer is being viewed as a treatable disease. It's kind of a freaky view after growing up with the notion that cancer equals death. (Well, a freaky view but also an extremely *welcome* one).

This notion, though, also requires a certain adjustment in one's thinking about life's duration. I will finish chemo in early January, undergo radiation, and then get a PET scan for the hoped-for "all clear". And then, because breast cancer can pop back after many years in remission, I will continue to be tested regularly in the hopes that I will continue to get these "all clear" results. And at some point, if the cancer makes an unwelcome appearance, I will go through some version of all this again. Kind of a drag. But, as they say, it sure beats the alternative.

I think if you had told me all this a year ago I would have found it extremely depressing. But after going through what I've experienced thus far, I am not so much "Zen" about it as I am matter-of-fact. The cancer is a fact. And so is the treatment. And there it is. Nothing more or less than that. (Frank might disagree with that perspective somewhat, as he told me at breakfast this morning that when this is all over I need to ensure it doesn't happen again. Because, as he noted, it's really not fun.)

So, anyway. Philosphical interlude aside, the treatment went well. Mom and I left the cancer center around 2 p.m. She drove me home and I settled into the sofa for an episode of Columbo and the occasional dozing. I don't even remember going to bed, but I obviously did because--and here's where the fun starts--I awoke at 1:23 a.m., and was not able to get back to sleep. I gave it the old college try for quite a while and gave up the ghost around 3. I've had insomnia before, post-chemo, but this was different. I had some energy and so decided to get some work done. I logged in on the PC and was amazingly productive.

Around 8:30 in the morning I went for a walk with Deirdre Greene, and then continued working until about 1 p.m., when I had to go back to the cancer center for my Neulasta shot. I figured that, after chemo and no sleep, I'd be ready to crash after that, but no! I went to Ashby Lumber and picked up a toilet to replace the almost useless upstairs toilet (Superior Plumbing installed it today and yay! we have a toilet that actually works now). After Ashby Lumber, I went to 4th Street and got a little bit of holiday shopping done. And then I went to the market to get some juice to ease the ingestion of the glutamine I'm taking to (hopefully) prevent the neoropathy associated with Taxol. Finally, around 4 p.m., I decided to take things easy.

This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but given my past infusion experiences, this was beyond delightful. I was positively giddy with the energy I was feeling. Oh, and all this was without any drugs. No nausea, no nothing. It was lovely.

Yesterday, Thursday, I experienced some of the muscle pain my doctor warned me about, but that was easily handled with Tylenol and Advil. It could be that my body was just happy to have a change from the Adriamycin, and it could be that Taxol will just be easier. But for now, it's just really, really nice to not be doped up or nauseous or tired.

Now the only remaining hardship is the conjunctivitis I can't shake. I have an appointment with an opthalmologist on Monday to try to address this and in the meantime, I figure I can just deal.

And this weekend? Tomorrow is December 1 and that means I get to harrass my family into decorating for Christmas (not that it requires that much harrassment). We'll do everything but the tree, and then I hope to drag my mother around to some of the open studios in our area this weekend, just for fun and to get in the spirit.