Gobama!

Or, my friend Deirdre, the rock star

Deirdre and I spent the weekend in the Reno area of Nevada, canvassing for Obama. It was an interesting experience. We met some angry people, some friendly people, some hostile people, and some hopeful people.

When we arrived at her place at Incline Village, we found the Rolling Stone cover from July--with Obama on the cover--signed by the man himself. "To the Bauers, thank you for your support. Barack Obama." This magazine was addressed to Emily, and we had left it there over the July 4 weekend. But given that the signature is addressed to the Bauers (and given that they have been providing shelter to Obama campaign workers for the past month or two), I guess it's theirs to keep. ;-)

We went to Reno on Saturday morning, along with about 2000 other Obama volunteers, to be met by a full rainbow over the city. Deirdre and I started counting good omens.

The campaign sent us to Sparks, and working there was a bit of a downer. The neighborhood we walked seemed like it could be friendly enough but this election has a lot of people on edge.

We each had a "turf", with a list of names & addresses of voters who have not been regular voters. We also had their age, gender, political party affiliation, and any indication of how they were expected to vote (based on phone polling). Mostly, we were there to "Get Out the Vote" (GOTV), but occasionally we had someone we were supposed to "Persuade".

Anyone who knows Deirdre knows that she can talk the paint off a post. She also is somewhat disarming. So, though we had fingers pointed at us and at least one door slammed in our faces, Deirdre remained upbeat and was the best companion for this weekend I could imagine.

On Sunday, they sent us to Sun Valley. Though more economically depressed, the people there were friendlier, overall (coincidence?) We had a number of people express their gratitude for our work and their anticipation of voting.

My favorite, favorite, favorite story from this weekend is actually Deirdre's. But she doesn't have a blog, so I'll share it on her behalf. :-)

We were down a dirt/gravel road, in a circle of three or four prefab/mobile homes. Deirdre walked up the steps of one of the homes, knocked on the door, and asked the older gentleman who answered for the name on our list, a woman's name. We'll call her "Debbie".

Deirdre: I'm Deirdre, with Obama's Campaign for Change. Is Debbie here?
MOTH (man of the house): No, she's not here.
D: Do you expect her later? Should I come back?
MOTH: No, she's not coming back till December, at the earliest.
D: Oh, is she out of town?
MOTH: You could say that... She's in prison.

(He then starts telling Deirdre about the pyramid scheme "Debbie" was involved in and how she used someone else's credit card.)

D: I'm sorry. Is she your wife?
MOTH: Nope, she's my daughter-in-law.
D: Oh! Is your son going to vote?
MOTH: Don't think so.... He's in prison, too.

At this point, I believe Deirdre just asked the man how he was going to vote. I can't remember if he was registered and going to vote for Obama, or unregistered and would have voted for Obama if he could. But he was a hoot, for sure.

The next gravel road over, in a circle of another four prefab/mobile homes, I walked by three dogs who started barking. This got a dog over on the left going, and then two more over on the right joined in. Deirdre and I were surrounded by six barking dogs and we just started cracking up. Maybe you had to be there, but we thought the whole thing was just hilarious.

When no one answered, we left literature and then revisited later, to see if the literature was still there. Often it was, but if it was gone, we made a second attempt to make contact. It was a long two days, and Saturday evening, I think we both were feeling kind of down. But Sunday was reinvigorating and we relaxed that evening, basking in the feeling of having done a good thing.

However you're going to vote, be sure to do it today. Enjoy the fruits of this wonderful democracy of ours!

I Seem to Have Touched a Nerve

I strongly suspect I am a proud member of the "small clique in Albany [that] have been running a very negative campaign against the candidates endorsed by the Democratic Party and the Sierra Club."

How did I, a humble lifetime Democrat (in fact, I'm leaving for Reno this evening to knock on doors for the esteemed Mr. Obama) end up running with such questionable types? I'm glad you asked.

First, go here and read the letter from Nan Wishner and then the letter from me. Hopefully, it will put things in perspective.

Honestly, I find it more than a little laughable that *I* am being accused of Karl Rovian tactics. I wrote a letter to a small, local website. The Sierra Club has blanketed Albany's doorsteps with an accusation of "negative campaigns". Have I missed something? Have other people written--or otherwise distributed--attacks on the local Sierra Club or Democratic Party candidates?

So, read the letters and then read the flyer and then ask yourself, "Who has the sour grapes?" I would be outraged if I didn't find their cynicism so laughable. John Muir is spinning in his grave...

Sorry It's Been So Long

Wow. Six weeks since I last updated. I'm so sorry. Of course, that assumes anyone is still reading. ;-)

So, we joined a multitude of our Albany neighbors at an Obama fundraiser ages ago (well, it *feels* like ages ago) and Deirdre B and I got the volunteer fever (someone gave me post-its with the infamous "Stop me before I volunteer again" slogan). But the Obama guy was more interested in the Bauers' place in Incline Village as possible housing for campaign workers. So, she and I went to the MoveOn website and volunteered to canvas in Nevada the first weekend in November.

We both got emails about a week and a half ago, saying that what they really needed was not people canvassing the weekend before the election, but rather people working on election day and the day before. Deirdre and I both work full-time, so that wasn't going to work. Meanwhile, I got a phone call from the Obama campaign asking if I could go to Las Vegas this weekend. That wasn't going to work for a multitude of reasons (including my lack of frequent flier miles).

Finally, Deirdre got a phone call last night (Tuesday, seven days before the election) asking if she could go to Reno this weekend. She called me and--voila!--we're going to Reno this weekend. The Obama campaign called me today to confirm I was going, and so it looks like we're set.

And, Obama did his "infomercial" tonight. I went to google to see if I could link to this wonderful video for this blog, and--I kid you not--one of the choices that appeared in the Search box was "barack obama antichrist". Wow. Frank says that Rush Limbaugh has said that Obama "hypnotizes" people. Because, heaven knows, it couldn't be that people are just disgusted with their loss of civil rights, the economy, or an unending war. No, it must be that he's "magic". Hello, Salem anyone?

My word I am sooooooooooo ready for this election to be over. Well, and for Bush to be on his way out and Obama to be on his way in. That would be nice.

Home Again, Home Again...

...Jiggidy Jig.

Whew. What a weekend.

Before
Last Wednesday, Emily tells us that her hard drive appears to have crashed. She got an appointment at the Genius Bar (Apple Help Desk) in Walnut Creek--the one in E-ville couldn't give her an appointment till Saturday. So, Thursday afternoon (the day before leaving for Santa Barbara), we went to Walnut Creek where the Apple "genius" informed us that, yes, the hard drive was dead. D-E-A-D, dead. Getting the rest of the information was a bit like pulling teeth. She could get her data retrieved by calling a phone number on a card. (Frank and I made the mistake of paying for lost data *once*. I would not recommend it.) We explained that we were leaving town the next day--what should we do about replacing the hard drive? Well, he suggested we buy one.

Well, okay then. Thanks. Um, any recommendations? Oh, sure. Okay? And? What might those be. Oh, well, here's how you take this one out and put the new one in. Okay, super. And, um, any specifications? (I'd just like to mention here that this guy is so lucky we saw him before the trip and not after. I think I might have had to bite him if I'd seen him after the trip....)

We eventually got specifications and we left.

Friday morning
Frank, Emily, and I went to a U-Haul pickup in E-ville at 9:30. The woman "assisting" us was at full capacity and it was not particularly comforting. After about 30 minutes, we had our 14' truck and Em & I went to Ikea to get her bed and a mattress. Then we headed up to Jackie & Yusuf's to get the furniture they so kindly gave to Emily (a dresser and two end tables) (along with the mattress and box springs they even more kindly gave me & Frank).

We got home a bit before noon. Frank helped us get the mattress & box spring out of the van and into the garage. Emily loaded the rest of her stuff into the truck. She and I had lunch. We ran some errands (including dropping off the painting that used to hang in the living room at Frank's office). Becky dropped off her screwdriver drill bits (thanks Becky!). And Emily and I hit the road sometime around 1:30 or 2.

The U-Haul truck drove reasonably well. The front seat is a bench, though, and I wasn't able to get comfortably to the gas pedal. So, after several hours, I was getting a bit of a pinched nerve in my back, from hyper-extending my right foot. We pulled over for an early dinner at the Copper Cafe in the Madonna Inn and then hit the road for the last 90 minutes.

We got into Isla Vista around 7:30. Unloaded the truck and immediately started on putting Em's bed together.

We finished building the bed around 11:30, and after a nice cup of hot tea with her roommate Lauren and their "temporary" guest Cooper (sleeping on their sofa till he finds a place of his own), we went to bed around 12:15.

Saturday morning
Boy, people like to party in Isla Vista. It was a bit surreal being completely and utterly surrounded by serious partying, into the wee hours. Some neighbors were going strong at 3:30, but I found my earplugs and all was good. Em slept with her roommate, leaving me the new bed. I felt a bit guilty, taking Em's bed the first night, but it was better than a sleeping bag on the floor, let me assure you. :-) It was quite comfy and I think Em will enjoy it this year.

Anyway. We found breakfast in the morning and then I took the truck to a drop-off in Goleta. Hertz picked me up and took me to the rental facility where I got my zippy little economy car. After getting roughly 11 miles to the gallon in the truck, I was thrilled to have the Hyundai.

I went back to U-Haul (the line was so long and the Hertz guy was waiting, so I left without settling accounts) and finished up there. Then picked up Em and took her to K-Mart for some essentials.

We took her stuff back home, and got things mostly organized, and then, I hit the road for home.

I felt a little bad about not taking my daughter to lunch before leaving, but: it had been a loooooooong 1.5 days, and I think she really wanted to get unpacked anyway.

I got to the Hertz rental at Oakland airport around 6:30. Frank picked me up, took me home, and made dinner for me (Thai shrimp). We watched a movie (Charlie Chan in Shanghai--pretty good) and I was in bed by 9 p.m.

I slept a good 11 hours and woke up Sunday feeling human again.

Em is all unpacked and has been enjoying cooking for her roommates. She made cinnamon rolls Sunday morning and then stir fry for them Sunday evening. A few of them are in downtown Santa Barbara today, looking for jobs. Oh! And I ordered a hard drive that will be shipped to her, hopefully this week.

And now? Back to my routine. <whew!>

Family Portrait

We have a new masterpiece in our house. A family portrait--created by Rene Garcia, Jr. and a gift from the dear and wonderful Dennis Vaux and Robert Allen. Suffice to say, this little photo doesn't do the piece justice. First of all--it's glitter (!). And second, it's sizable (a little under 4 feet wide and 5 feet high). It hangs in our living room, where we used to hang an abstract painting. In the next few months, we'll be deciding whether or not to paint the living room, and how to properly light this. And meanwhile, we'll just enjoy it.

Our sincerest and most heartfelt thanks to Dennis and Robert who commissioned this family portrait. And our awe and gratitude to the artist, Rene.

Twain Harte

We returned Saturday from a lovely, relaxing, sunny, hot week in Twain Harte. We're happy to be home, but when I win the lottery, I'm buying a place up there. During the summer, the teeny lake (courtesy of a dammed river from the Sierras) provides respite from the heat, as well as some of my favorite views.

And in the winter, you're never far from snow--Pinecrest and Dodge Ridge are a mere 30 minutes away--but getting there (and getting back to the Bay Area) is easy and mostly traffic free.

We usually stay in Cabin #20, courtesy of Twain Harte Vacation Rentals. And last year, probably the day after I got my diagnosis, I called the rental agents to see if our favorite house would be available this summer. I sort of assumed that the intervening months would be kind of crappy, and having the cabin reserved would give us something to look forward to.

And it did. The anticipation of the peace and relaxation we know up there provided solace during the year. And I enjoyed some happy meditation while we were there. As always, I was reminded of how tremendously lucky we are. To have the family and friends that we know is a special blessing.

In the past, we've gone to Twain Harte every other year for a week of blissful inactivity. Which means that, if we follow the schedule, we won't be going back until the summer after next. But I've reserved our favorite cabin for next summer, just in case.

A Couple Celebrations

Maggie turned 14 a little over a week ago. She had a few friends over for curry and cake and what I refer to as "sneaky Jane Austen". The girls watched Clueless (a contemporary version of Emma), and then they watched Bride & Prejudice (a Bollywood version of Pride & Prejudice). A wonderful time was had and she felt properly feted.

And yesterday I celebrated my "all-clear" with a BBQ at Terrace Park. Here's the cake (courtesy of my darling daughter, Emily).

And that's how we do closure, Karen-style.

Without a Port

Dr. Broderick removed my port today. <giggle> Yay! It was weird and really cool.

Frank and I were ushered into one of the examination rooms at the offices of First Surgical Consultants (I tend to hate generic sounding names like that, but I love Dr. Broderick, so I guess I'll let it slide) and I put on one of those lovely paper gowns (Frank said I looked like something out of "Forbidden Planet"). Dr. Broderick showed up and got right to work (and Frank left the room soon thereafter. I mean, there's a reason he's a lawyer...)

Dr. B cleaned the area and shot the area up with Lidocaine (pinch burn, pinch burn, pinch burn, pinch burn..... numb, yay!) He cut the skin above where the port was sitting and explained that the body creates a sac of scar tissue around the port. So he massaged and pushed and massaged and pushed to loosen the sac around the port and eventually it came out. That five minutes or so of massaging (probably less than that, but in these instances, it feels like such a long time, you know?) took up most of the time for the procedure and felt really weird. My skin was being pulled taut and so while nothing was happening at that moment, probably, it just felt weird. Like something was imminent.

And then, voila! I felt the tubing that led from the port to the Subclavian being pulled out. Kinda freaky and kinda neat.

He applied pressure to the spot where the tube had left the vein and I asked him how it healed. He said that the blood flow would prefer to just follow the path nature made for it, through the vein, rather than fight with other tissue and find a path through my body. So, it heals itself.

The human body. Just amazing. (When it's not being a total PITA.)

I can't see where the sutures are now--they're under a bandage--so I'm not sure if this scar just eradicates the one remaining from the insertion of the port, or there are two side-by-side. But given Dr. B's consideration and expert work on the two previous occasions, I'm not too worried.

I brought the port home with me (Dr. Broderick: "Um, you might want to wash that with bleach or something") and I smell a bit like a surgery (that blood and antiseptic smell). But no more foreign bodies in my body! Yay me!

When we left the office I was seriously jittery from an adrenalin rush, but we've been home for about an hour now and my head hurts a bit, and feels tired, so I'm already crashing. I expect to sleep well tonight.

(I go back next week to get the stitches removed.)

Goings On

I've got my port removal scheduled for next Monday (July 21). Yay! Dr. Broderick (who I love, btw) said he can do it as an outpatient service in his office, and I admit I am intrigued.

See, while the hard silicone thing (into which they put the needles to draw blood and infuse toxic chemicals) is supposed to be near the surface of the skin, mine appears to be somewhat deep (much commented upon during treatment and subsequent blood draws). Also? It's connected to a tube that goes up to the Subclavian vein. Can they just pull that out? They don't need to suture it or anything? Finally, mine is much farther down on my chest than the one in the diagram in the link--Dr. Broderick very kindly placed it within a reasonable line of decolletage, so, um.... Well, I guess we'll just see, won't we?

This Weekend
In other news, Emily is doing the AIDS Walk next Sunday, with team I Love This World. Feel free to sponsor Emily and donate by going here.

While Emily is doing that, Maggie and I will less helpful to society at large by going to the Giants v. Brewers game. Frank shares in season tickets with several other people, so we get about 10 or 11 games a year. And I love the seats. They're on the third baseline, in the Club section. Which means if it's too hot, we can go up to the glass-enclosed food/drink section, which also is air conditioned, and still see the game.

Oh, and Friday night, we're all going in to the city to see the Chihuly exhibit at the DeYoung, along with Jackie (and maybe Becky?) whose husbands will be at the annual golf "debacle" with Frank and five other fine gentlemen, up in Graeagle this weekend.

Last Weekend
This past weekend we saw "Ironman" at the Cerrito--way fun, we'd all recommend it. It was fun and over the top in a good way. And yesterday we saw "An Ideal Husband" at CalShakes* in Orinda. The sets and costumes were lovely, the direction was fine, and the acting was fairly solid. It's the play itself, I fear, that doesn't quite stand up. The play drags a bit in the middle (the plot bogs it down just a bit) and the wonderfully sexist point of view at the end is a bit hard to take. But you can't beat the venue--amphitheater, set in the hills, on EBMUD watershed property, so you really feel like you're away from everything else. "Ideal Husband" is on for a couple more weeks and then next up on their calendar is "Uncle Vanya". They did a super job with "The Seagull" a couple years ago, so I'm looking forward to this next one.

*Dinking around on their site, I found this terrific video from CalShakes' Artistic Director, Jon Moscone (yes, son of George Moscone) showing the site of the Bruns Amphitheater. Actually the video on their site didn't work, so I tracked it down on youtube. Check it out:

Clean, Clean, Clean

I had my mammogram last Friday and it was nice and clean.

Then, this morning? I got a phone call from Alta Bates. My PET CT, taken last Monday, also quite clean.

The relief is coming out in little spurts. I'm sure I'll be crying sometime today. Oh, wait. Yep, there it is--the watery eye.

<sigh> Have I mentioned lately? Life is good.

The Whirlwind

Life has been crazy--in a good way, and this post is in two parts. This first part is all about the fun that's being had. What follows is all the post-treatment stuff going on later....

Let's Play!

The end of the school year was as hectic as ever. The week before school got out, Maggie co-hosted a party with several of her friends. Here they are: Shayna (whose parents graciously provided the house for the party!), Sarah, Maggie & Hannah (who both shaved their heads for kids cancer research--don't they both look fab?), Lilia, Nina, and Megan.

On Thursday, June 12, we went to the promotion ceremony for Albany Middle School. Here's a pic of Maggie in the dress that she & I made for the event, along with Siobhan, Julia, and Shayna (all girls we've known since kindergarten). The day after "graduation", the 8th graders all went to Marine World, and I hit the road for Santa Barbara. Em and I got her moved out of the dorms, and since she was the last of the three girls to leave, she got to take out all the trash/recycling and vacuum and get the room inspected. All went well and she and I checked in to the Days Inn in Buellton and then went to see Indiana Jones 4 at the local theater, after a nice steak dinner.

We got home Saturday and on Sunday, the 15th, we joined a Father's Day brunch for Frank's tennis buddies and then I got a wonderful birthday dinner of grilled lobster and Caesar Salad.

Monday we left for New York. I've cataloged our trip below, so for those of you who don't want/need all the details, you can avoid them easily.

Are We Done Yet?

Before we left for NYC, I had a brain MRI. (Purely cautionary--breast cancer can spread to the brain, and rather than worry, I'd prefer to rule things out.) This past Monday, I had a PET CT and today, Friday, I'm having a mammogram. Sheesh. But it's all for peace of mind, so I really don't mind.

I'll see Dr. Kuan on Monday, July 7, to go over all these test results and will hopefully get an "all-clear" sign. And then I can schedule having this port removed. Yay!

I'll post again after I see Dr. Kuan. But till then, no news is good news. :-)

*********************************
New York, New York, It's a Wonderful Town...

We got in Monday night, and met Ellen* & Mike at the very new & hip Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel for $20 martinis (images #2, 3, and 4 here), and then went to the Shake Shack in Madison Square Park for a less expensive, late night dinner (amazing shakes and cheeseburgers [Frank and Mike had theirs with a deep-fried portobello mushroom--I had a bite of Frank's, it was too much for me, but it was way yummy]). (*Ellen is Frank's youngest sister and Michael is her wonderful fiance. They live in Brooklyn.)

Tuesday we met Ellen for breakfast at Balthazar's, in SoHo--food was yummy and servings were *perfect*. Then we went to visit one of the two "Bird" stores in Brooklyn that Ellen manages and then on to Ellen & Mike's charming flat in Brooklyn. Wandered *all* over Greenwich Village and had pizza at John's (solid NY pizza). We got to the Daily Show at 3:30 (when they suggested you be in line) only to find that we were numbers #194, 195, 196, and 197 (out of 260). :-) The Daily Show was really, really fun. Then we went to the Garage in the Village for dinner and jazz (good steak, fun music, solid bar--thanks to John & Lynn for the recommendation.)

Wednesday.... Our anniversary! We wandered uptown (hotel was at 32nd between 5th and Madison ) and we got lunch at the Burger Joint (hidden in the Parker Meridien--Ellen showed me this place when I visited her last spring) and then walked the few remaining blocks up to Central Park and ate our lunch al fresco. Walked through the park where we witnessed, up close, the wacky phenomenon that is Upper East Side nannies and their charges in the park (mini soccer and softball camps set up within, while the nannies sat at the benches, visiting) and made our way to the Met so we could see Jeff Koons' rooftop sculpture (the balloon dog). Went back to the hotel and changed for dinner and then went all the way back up to Lexington and 74th(?) for dinner at Payard--really, really wonderful.

Thursday, whew! Mediocre breakfast in the hotel (eh, what do you expect?) and then made our way down to Battery Park and said "Hi" to Lady Liberty. We found Trinity Church and paid our respects to Mr. Hamilton, then headed back to our hotel's neighborhood which is now Little Korea. We found some really solid Korean BBQ and had lunch. Then changed for the evening and met Kevin Fitzpatrick (author of "Dorothy Parker's New York") for a walking tour of the places associated with the Algonquin Round Table tour. He was really gracious and informative and I would heartily recommend him to anyone visiting NYC. He left us very near our dinner/theater destinations, which also happened to be where my sister Dawn was staying with my niece Kiersten and so we went to see them in their hotel (Marriott Marquis). The four of us walked the five blocks to Natsumi for sushi dinner (Yelpers are the best--I found this place online and it was quite good). We said goodnight to them and went to the Music Box theater to watch "August: Osage County". Quite good. Frank and I still were talking about it, days later. Think "Sam Shephard with a sense of humor..." :-) (And as soon as I get Dawn's pics, I'll upload a photo of the 4 of us....)

Friday, packed and had the bags ready to go. Then wandered the city for the three hours until time for the limo to pick us up. Ran into my sister Dawn and her daughter Kiersten (don't you *love* cities?) and ended our walk at Bryant Park. I had already dragged Frank through NYPL, so this time we just sat on the grass and enjoyed relaxing for 10 or 15 minutes before time to leave NYC.

As you can see, a really wonderful trip.

On the Road Again...

When it rains, it pours, right?

Today is Maggie's 8th Grade Promotion Ceremony, so we're a bit hectic at home about that. After the ceremony, she and Frank and I will have a nice quick dinner (her choice: hot wings) and then she'll head off to the 8th grade dance at Albany Middle School.

Meanwhile, I hit the road first thing tomorrow to go bring Emily home from Santa Barbara. We're spending tomorrow night at the Days Inn in Buellton/Solvang that was in the movie Sideways. We'll head home on Saturday.

Sunday is Father's Day and my birthday. We'll start the day with a brunch after the Dads' tennis game at the home of Beloved Husband, Tom Weimer, and his Lovely Wife, Carol. :-) Then I'll enjoy some quiet time at Azul Spa, getting ready for the week.

Because, on Monday, Frank and I head off for a week in NYC, to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We're staying at the Avalon, in midtown, and we've got quite a week lined up.

Tuesday, we'll be catching the Daily Show (hopefully with Frank's sister Ellen and her affianced, Michael). Wednesday we're enjoying dinner at a sweet bistro/patisserie (Payard), and on Thursday, we're dining with surprise friends (more later) before taking in a performance of the Pulitzer winning play August: Osage County.

In between the evening engagements, we hope to get to the Metropolitan Museum and maybe Battery Park and maybe the Guggenheim and maybe the Museum of Natural History, and maybe Central Park, and oh my. We might need to extend our stay.... Catch you on the flip side!

The Performing McKeowns

So, Emily went to a summer theater program at Columbia University a couple years ago and came home declaring that she could never major in Theater. Having gone through a similar epiphany after my freshman year of college (and a year of Theater classes), I heartily supported this decision. She went off to UCSB in the Fall and dove into some really interesting classes in Philosphy, Art History, Comparitive Lit, Geography, and more. She was thinking she might major in English (this was beginning to feel a bit too familiar: I majored in English Lit).

Meanwhile, she had been "dabbling" in Theater at UCSB. She worked costumes for the Fall production. She took a Theater Movement class second quarter and a beginning acting class this quarter. But still, her communication with us indicated a "probably English" major. So, imagine our surprise. ;-)

After writing in her livejournal last Fall that she would *never* major in Theater, since that would probably just kill something she loved, she found it impossible to ignore the siren call. She auditioned for the BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) program in Theater last weekend. And out of 40 kids who auditioned, she was one of the 13 who got in. Heh. Heh heh.

I've asked her if "Table Waiting 101" is part of the curriculum. She mostly ignored me.

But Maggie will not be outdone. She has been singing with the middle school choir this year and has been enjoying it tremendously. And she was fortunate enough to be asked by the 8th grade Jazz Workshop if she would sing a song with the band for the Spring Concert last night. Here she is, bookended by the passing BART trains.
And stay posted for the further adventures of the Performing McKeown Girls.

I'm a Media Star!!!!

When I was in Chicago with my sisters in April, we chanced upon the Cottonelle Comfort Haven® on the Navy Pier. After getting chair massages and learning some exercises to help tone our gluteus maximi, we all filmed a "Be Kind to Your Behind" video testimonial.

Two weeks ago, we each got a check for $200 via certified mail to pay us for our services. And now you can see us on their website (go here). We're third on the video.

Now we're all just waiting for Cottonelle to realize what a gold mine we are, and ask us to appear in a regular ad. :-) Don't you think?

(Oh, and for those who don't know my sisters: Lynn=Banker, Dawn=Endoscopy Nurse, Bonnie=Cop. And you know me.)

Bridging and Motherhood

Last weekend was quite wonderful--alternately busy and relaxing.

Friday night, Maggie's Girl Scout troop (which includes Siobhan, Lila, and Celia) met at our house, so we could discuss how they want to spend their cookie earnings (they have not given up on Disneyland....) and how we'll get started on the Silver Award. They spent the night and the next morning we all were on the road by around 6:45 a.m.

We arrived at Crissy field at 7:30 a.m. to help volunteer for the annual Golden Gate Bridging. (For those not in the know, when you move up to a new level of scouting, you "bridge" from one level to the next. Because we live near one of the greatest bridges in the world, scouts can walk across the Golden Gate Bridge to move from Junior Scouts to Cadet. Emily's troop did it, and I remember it being quite wonderful.)

Our troop worked at the registration tables until about noon, when the girls were released from their bonds. The girl scouts provided lunch and the girls spent the afternoon hanging out at the beach (Siobhan and Maggie) or in the field, listening to the DJ and taking photographs (Celia and Lila). When we left, I got this pic of the girls, with the bridge in the background.






I was utterly wiped out that evening--combination, early rise, sun, wind, volunteer duties, and old age--so it was a good thing that the next day was Mother's Day. Frank was a sweetheart, and arranged for a picnic at Tilden with the Rick and Becky Prices (including Jake and Nina), John Price, (Rick & John's mom) Harriet, (Rick and John's niece) Julia, and Jackie and Yusuf (and their nephew, Zaheer). We got the same spot in Tilden that we scored last year, and it was lovely. A bit chilly, but really lovely. Here are me, Harriet, Jackie, Becky, and Julia.



It was a wonderful weekend.

This week, Frank and I are playing hookey on Thursday afternoon to attend a Giants game together. And Saturday evening is Maggie's end-of-the-season soccer party. The fun never stops around here. :-)

Midwestern Sojourn

My, but I do love the midwest. And I especially love Bloomington, Indiana.

My vacation last week was relaxing, blissful, fun, and just plain wonderful.

Part I: I flew into Indy on Saturday the 19th. My college friend, Janine, was gracious enough to put me in her guest room for the weekend. She and her charming family were going to a Seder (to which I was invited), but I went to dinner with Janine's college roommate, and my friend, Sue. The next day, we went on a fundraising walk for Best Buddies and then the three of us played around Indy. Sue and Janine made a wonderful quilt for me (pictured here) that has a cross-stitch of Maxwell Hall (from IU) in the center, and is surrounded by photos from our friendships, over the years.

On Monday, I drove down to Bloomington (a.k.a. B-town) and checked in at the Indiana Memorial Union. The campus was beautiful and I enjoyed walking around for a couple hours, revisiting some old haunts. My roommate, Melinda, drove up from St. Louis to play for a day or two, and it was wonderful to catch up on each other's lives. Here's a pic of Melinda, on a bridge over the "mighty Jordan River" that cuts through campus.

In Bloomington, I/we visited: our old dorm (where we managed to smuggle ourselves aboard an elevator, to get our pic taken in front of the door to our old room), the Arboretum, the aptly named HPER (Health, Phys Ed, and Recreation Building), the Art Museum, Beck Chapel, Myers Hall (the Bio building, where Melinda spent much of her undergrad career), Ballantine Hall (the liberal arts and humanities building where *I* spent most of my undergrad career), the Kiva Commons (where they had coffeehouse performances when we were students, but which now appears to be a pretty good sandwich/salad place), the Sugar and Spice bakery (where we rediscovered the joys of the peanut butter/Special K cookies), and so much more.

It's so satisfying to visit your alma mater and see it aging so gracefully. Whenever a change is made, it seems to be an improvement. The campus is in good hands and I look forward to future visits.

Part II: After three days in B-town, I hit the road for Chicago (and "enjoyed" the attention of an Indiana State Trooper along the way. Prone to a "leadfoot" on the gas pedal, I was being extraordinarily cautious on the road. What I didn't know, though, is that it is now a law in Indiana that one must move to the outside lane when passing a law enforcement vehicle that is stopped on the side of the road. Because I was ignorant of the law, the trooper "kindly" lowered my fine from $200 to $150. <sigh>)

Anyway. The weather in Chicago wasn't as perfect as it had been in Bloomington, but what a fun city. I got in on Thursday afternoon, checked in at the hotel, dropped off my car at the rental facility downtown, and then spent a lovely two hours or so at the Art Institute. My sisters got in around 9 p.m. and hijinks ensued. :-)

We visited the Navy Pier (where we videotaped a testimonial for Cottonelle toilet paper--look for us online at cottonelle.com in about three weeks), we took an architectural/historical boat tour,
we saw Blue Man Group and the Baton Lounge, we reminisced on the Northwestern campus with Lynn, and we walked and ate a LOT. (I still had indigestion when I landed in Oakland on Sunday.)

I always have a wonderful time with my sisters. I think we all feel so blessed to have each other and to enjoy each others' company so much. Three of us have kids (and one of us has a dog that is treated like her baby, but, ahem, enough about that), and we all work outside the home, so scheduling time together is a challenge. But it's so worth it.

Many thanks to Janine, Sue, Melinda, Lynn, Dawn, and Bonnie, for making time and travelling distances to play with me. And thanks to Frank and Maggie for being gracious about me being absent for so long. :-)

Maggie McKeown: Artist

Well, artist is just one of things Maggie is, of course. But Grandma Mary came to visit last week, during Spring Break, and taught Maggie some basic watercolor technique. (Grandma Mary paints and teaches in Ocala, FL.) Herewith, a sample of Maggie's work. I, too, took a lesson, but I didn't have quite the same natural proclivity as did Maggie. I did, however, paint a tree, an pear, and an apple, with great assistance from Grandma.

We had a lovely, but all too brief, visit with Grandma, and our house is full of watercolors, to prove it.

Tomorrow, I head off for my "Post-Chemo 2008 Tour". First, I'm visiting Indiana (Indianapolis and Bloomington) where I'll get to see three out of four of some of my dearest friends, and my alma mater (Indiana University). Then, on Thursday, I'm driving up to Chicago, where I'll get to play with all three of my sisters. This is kind of a big deal. We're all busy and I'm interrupting more than one of their lives right now, but they're good sisters and they're humoring me by making an appearance in a city that I love. I'm sure I'll have lots of pics to share upon my return, on April 27.

A Wonderful Weekend

I can't even believe it's already Thursday. Em's Spring Break is almost over, and it feels like it's barely even begun. We had a most fabulous weekend, bringing her home.

It started on Good Friday: I drove down to Santa Barbara, taking my time. I listened to Ragtime on tape, courtesy of Dennis and the SF Library, and stopped off at two missions on my way(Santa Ines and Soledad). It was an absolutely gorgeous day.

I checked in at the Ramada Inn (which is, thankfully, upgrading its rooms) and Em called me around 6 to say she was done with her last final (yay!). I picked up her and two stuffed duffel bags (girlfriend--how long are you going to be home?) and brought her back to the Ramada. We dressed and went to dinner at the Four Seasons. Di.Vine.

The next morning, after breakfast at Alfie's in Goleta/Isla Vista, we drove up to Cambria to rendezvous with Robert for the rest of the weekend's festivities. We all enjoyed a lovely lunch in the sun at the Indigo Moon and then headed over to San Simeon.

We went on tours two and five (evening tour) and had a fabulous, fabulous time. <sigh> Really. Wonderful.

After our two tours (preceded by a visit to the beach at San Simeon), we went to the Madonna Inn, in San Luis Obispo, for a picnic dinner in Emily's and my room, the Highway Suite.

The next morning, Easter Sunday, Robert, Emily, and I had breakfast at the Copper Cafe, and then Em and I hit the road. We were home by 1:30, well in time to enjoy an Easter Supper with Frank and Maggie, and also Jackie and Zaheer.

A lovely, lovely weekend.

Maggie: Pretty Bald Chick

Team Albany before:
















And Maggie at the end of her head-shaving:





















And Team Albany after:
















We are so proud of our bald daughter.

Who's Done?

I am.

T Minus Two

Just two radiation treatments left. I'm so very, very pleased. To celebrate the end of my morning radiation routine, I'm thinking I might force Frank to change our routine this Friday and have him take me and Maggie out for breakfast on Friday (Maggie has no school).

Speaking of Maggie, she is doing a great good thing and having her head shaved in support of the St. Baldricks fundraising event for childhood cancer research. You can see a pre-shave pic of her here. She's part of a team for her middle school, and they'll all get their heads shaved on St. Patrick's Day (next Monday). I'll post a pic of her new "look" after that.

Meanwhile, I am so looking forward to seeing Emily next Friday night. Her last final is at 4 p.m. that day (what a sadistic professor, to give a final mere minutes before Spring Break), and I've promised her a lovely dinner with her mother as a reward. The next day, we'll meet Robert in San Luis Obispo for our 24 hours of fun (San Simeon, Madonna Inn, mad hijinks...) Of course, I only realized this week that the Sunday is Easter. We typically have friends over for a feast on that day, but Em and I won't be rolling in to the Bay Area until about 2 p.m., so this year Easter will be a bit more lowkey than usual.

Give Me a Boost

Today was the first of seven "boost" radiation treatments. My routine (check-in, changing into a hospital gown, assuming the position on the bed in the radiation room) was the same, but they had added an attachment to the linear accelerator. The lead alloy plate they made for me was at the end of the attachment, and they lined it up with the drawing they made on my left breast over a week ago. They left the room and zapped me for 30 to 40 seconds and then, ta da! I was done.

As we near the end of it, I have to say this whole radiation regimen hasn't been too onerous, actually. But I am looking forward to just waking up in the morning, having breakfast with Frank and Maggie, getting dressed, and then going right into work. And that day will be next Friday, March 14. Yay!!!

And now, with the end in sight, I'm thinking I won't be needing to update this blog so regularly. During this ordeal, I've been trying to update the blog on a weekly basis, but after I finish radiation next week, there won't be much of anything to report. Well, other than how much I'm enjoying my family, friends, neighbors, job, etc.

In the next few months, I'll be taking some trips for fun and will have some follow-up visits for the breast cancer, and I'll be posting after those occurrences. So, if you have a burning desire to follow my life, you might want to check this site on a monthly basis, rather than weekly, after next week.

And to those of you who will be happy to move on, thank you for keeping me company during the past seven months. It's been so comforting--in the truest sense of the word--to know that people were thinking about me and caring about me. I continue to be enormously grateful to have the life that I have. It's a wonderful and wondrous thing.

Thank you.

Radiation 201

The whole brouhaha about the MRI and the (rather unattractively named) fat necrosis coincided with most of my radiation treatment, so I've not had an opportunity to share all the wonderful things I'm learning about this part of the process. There's a lot of detail here, so I hope I don't bore anyone, but I find this stuff fascinating.

First: I'm down to 10 remaining treatments (out of a total of 35), and it's all gone pretty swimmingly. Yay! Now for the details.

Each weekday morning, I arrive at the cancer center and check-in at the radiation department for my 8:30 appointment. Check-in is so well done, I feel the need to describe it. :-) You just walk up to the reception window and there's a flat screen PC monitor there. Touch it and the list of appointments appears. Touch the row with your name and appointed time (I am "Karen Z") and then touch the "Check-in" button at the bottom of the screen. There. Now the folks in the radiation rooms know you're there and will be available shortly.

After I'm checked in, I walk through a door into the "Gowned waiting area" (that's actually the sign outside the door) and go into a dressing room. I disrobe from the waist up and put on a gown, put my things in a little wooden "locker", and go sit in a chair for a couple minutes.

One of the technicians escorts me to one of the two radiation rooms, which are so, so cool. All sorts of radiation goes on here, for all sorts of cancers.

When they are planning radiation treatment, they put little pin dot tattoos on the affected area. These tattoos are used in conjunction with the many (six? seven?) lasers in the radiation room to line you up the same way every day, so they can be confident they're treating the correct area. In addition to the tattoos and lasers, they also employ other tools to make sure they can line you up with the totally groovy linear accelerator that delivers the radiation. For people with pelvic and abominal cancers, there are custom-fitted foam forms: they put the foam form on the bed/platform and the patient lies down on it. Since it's molded around *your* body, it helps you to lie down in the position they want. For brain and other head/neck cancers, they have these mesh "cages" that fit around the head and shoulders. These cages also provide a grid that enables them to align things with the lasers.

For breast cancer, you lie down on a slightly inclined "board" that raises your shoulders a couple inches above your hips. You bare the breast to be treated, raise the arm on the affected side (my left arm) and rest the arm in some holders that look a lot like the stirrups you rest your legs in when getting a pap smear. They are able to move the bed/platform in very small increments to line up the tattoos with the lasers. They also sometimes use the sheet I'm lying on to move me just the eensiest amount.

When I'm all lined up and everything is calibrated, the linear accelerator (or as I've come to think of it, the "zapper") is positioned over my left shoulder (where the affected lymph nodes were). They leave the room (can you imagine how much radiation they'd experience if they stayed in the room? <shudder>) When they zap me, it's not so much for an amount of time as it is for a dose (of radiation), but the dose typically takes about 30 seconds to administer to the area where the cancer infected the lymph nodes. Then, the technicians (really wonderful, friendly people, btw) come back into the room, adjust me the slightest bit, and reposition the zapper so it's on my right side, pointing at the left breast. They leave again and my left breast gets zapped from the right side for about 20 to 25 seconds. We repeat all this for one more zap on the left side (where the tumor was), which also lasts for about 20 to 25 seconds.

When we're all done, they tell me I can lower my arm, and I go slather aloe all over the area, get dressed, and go to work.

I've got just three more of these types of treatment and then I have seven "boost" radiation treatments. For those treatments, they created a special lead plate that enables them to direct radiation to just the tumor site on my left side.

Now, you might wonder, with all this special radioactive attention, if there are any side effects? Well, lethargy can be a side effect, but given that we were able to avoid my lungs in the treatment, I'm not really experiencing any tiredness. But. Even though I use copious amounts of aloe, and Aquaphor (TM), and olive oil cream, a person can't be given what is, essentially, a sunburn everyday without some skin issues. The area where my neck meets my shoulder on the left side is pretty sunburned. It is dry and itchy and it looks very red and angry. The breast is a little red, but mostly okay, so far. And as I said, just three more of these treatments (with a two day break this weekend) and then my neck can recover.

And there you go.

When radiation is done, the plan is: see Dr. Kuan at the end of March for a check-up and some blood work (to ensure everything is returning to normal). Assuming everything is groovy, I'll wait until mid-May for another check-up and blood check (and port flush--I still have the port and we need to ensure it's not clogged, so they need to "flush" it with saline every four to six weeks). In June, I'll have a CT scan to (hopefully) verify that there is no cancer in my body. In July, I'll have a bilateral mammogram, and if that, too, looks good, I can finally have the port removed. (It's a drag to remove it only to have to put it back in, should a person need more chemo.)

And there you go.

It's Not Cancer

The lumpy stuff was, indeed, fat necrosis along with something else (we'll get a copy of the pathology report tomorrow, I hope). Frank says he already knew it, he's just glad I know now. ;-)

So, sorry for freaking everyone out.

Now I can relax and look forward to seeing San Simeon with Emily and Robert next month. Whew. I don't know what else to say. Just "whew".

Boy I love the world right now.

Almost There

A brief aside: So many times in the past half year, I've felt like that guy at the end of Star Wars--the one who is tasked with dropping a charge into the chute that will cause the explosion and destruction of the Death Star. You know him--he's the guy who is focused on his targeting device and he keeps saying, "Almost there..... almost there.... almost there...."

So here we are again. Almost there.... :-)

The biopsy went just fine this morning, though I couldn't help but get weepy. The last time I did this the result was pretty awful and it's hard for my imagination to avoid that scary place. I've been a bit of a wreck for the past several days and I've been a little crazy/grouchy with my loved ones. My poor husband. His patience seems to know no bounds.

With the stress, it's been extremely difficult for me to fall asleep the past week or so, and last night as I was preparing for bed I thought, "Well, duh" and I took an Atavan. I feel asleep with nary a hitch. Thank heavens for medication.

Dr. Wong (Sue--for your chart--he's the doctor at the mammography and imaging center, and he did the biopsy this time, as well as last time) said it could be something called fat necrosis, and the samples floated in the solution in their little jar, so there's the bit of hope to which I currently cling.

We should have results by Thursday or Friday.

Open for business

Our new office is in, yay! After moving a cabinet, packing up boxes of books, etc., and painting, California Closets finally came this week to install our new office. Here's pic of Happy Frank in the new digs. For the rest of the photos, go to Flickr.

Playing Hardball

As Dr. Kuan said yesterday, "If they (ABMG) want to play hardball, we'll play hardball."

True to her word, Dr. Champion tried valiantly to contact Dr. Wong on Monday (and yesterday) to schedule a biopsy. He moves from imaging facility to imaging facility and so he was difficult to track down but she finally got his cell phone number (they're not supposed to do that, but she can be very charming and persistent) and got him to approve a biopsy for next Tuesday morning.

Of course, she left me this message while I was meeting with Dr. Kuan yesterday, and I didn't retrieve the message until Dr. Kuan left the examination room to try to track down Dr. Wong to get him to approve a biopsy. :-) It's all very symmetrical, isn't it?

Dr. Kuan said that Alta Bates Medical Group takes an egregiously long time to approve *anything* and that Hill Physicians is much better. Unfortunately, my primary care physician is not with Hill Physicians, so, unless I have another tumor, I'll stay with the awful ABMG.

So anyway, I have an appointment next Tuesday morning, and then I'll see Dr. Champion that Friday, and Dr. Kuan again the following Tuesday. And we'll know where we stand.

Meanwhile, Dr. Kuan says the mass (or hard area, or thick skin, or whatever you want to call it) has not grown in the four weeks since she felt it. She still suspects it's scar tissue, but given the distance from the surgery site, it's better to know what it is. (And if the MRI was inconclusive, we'd have to do a biopsy anyway, so....)

It feels good to have a plan of action again, rather than just waiting (and waiting and waiting).

Oh! and our office is almost done. I took pics last night of the job halfway done. They're at our house right now, finishing up. And then we shall start emptying our garage of the multitude of boxes. I'll post pics this weekend, when everything is in its place.

Still No MRI (but I love my radiation oncologist)

The surgeon's scheduler called yesterday morning to say that though ABMG is telling us five to seven days, it's been their (the surgeon's office) experience that it takes them 15 to 20 days. She also said they had a patient who was even more clearly indicated for an MRI than I and it had been refused. They got it sorted out with the help of the insurance commission, but still. Given that Dr. Kuan felt this hard mass almost a month ago (1/15), that kind of delay is heart-breaking.

My lawyer was at home when this call came, and after taking this news from the scheduler asked me if it was time for a letter. I wholeheartedly concurred and we cranked out a letter yesterday to: the CA insurance commission, Blue Shield, Alta Bates Medical Group (the gatekeeper*), and the surgeon's office. The upshot of the letter was that this delay is unconscionable given that the surgeon, the oncologist, and the radiologist all agree it's indicated. And that if my cancer moves from a stage 2B/3A to a stage 4, and it's determined that ABMG's delay had anything to do with such an "upgrade", this letter is our stake in the ground. It's wearying, really. Conflict is not fun, but neither is letting bullies push you around, so here we are.

Meanwhile, my radiation oncologist, aptly named Dr. Champion, is frustrated and thinks that this is terrible (yay! for validation). She's going to contact Dr. Wong (the radiologist who recommended the MRI in the first place) to see if he can't just do a biopsy. And that would be lovely. So we'll see.

So, there we are. Once again, I'm weary of talking about this. As Frank noted, I am the Worst-Case Scenario Girl, and since the worst case is pretty icky here, I prefer just not to go there at all. Thank you for your continued grace and patience with me as I go about my "let's not talk about this until we know what we're talking about" stance.

*A brief explanation for those not enjoying my type of insurance. My insurance company is Blue Shield. I've had absolutely no complaints about them. They've been wonderful throughout. Likewise, my doctors--all absolutely wonderful. The problem has been the intermediary--Alta Bates Medical Group. Basically, Blue Shield pays the bills, but does not review all my claims, ABMG does. So, in a typical situation, the doctor prescribes a course of treatment, ABMG reviews and approves (or denies) it, and Blue Shield pays the bill. I'm assuming that this middle man gets some sort of cut, or gets some sort of compensation, and that expensive treatments take a bite out of their profits, and so.... something like an MRI (which is somewhat expensive) is dissuaded. My lawyer husband calls this "institutional delay" and it's not something they should be doing. But I think we all know that it's about the bottom line, and whatever a company--any company--can get away with, they will. Unfortunately, we're talking about someone's health here, which makes that posture even less palatable than ever.

Hair Today....

Some peachy fuzz-like stuff starting growing on my head right around the time of my last chemo treatment, which means it was starting to grow even while I my body was processing the Taxol. Of course, to balance this out, I've lost most of my eyebrows and eyelashes... (it's all about the yin and the yang of life, right?)

Dennis took a photo of me to post here. At first, Frank and I were hoping I would be a lovely sophisticated silver or white, but it's looking very salt & pepper, so I'm thinking I might dye it in late spring/early summer, when the hair is around an inch long.... The hair is just long enough that some folks (who don't know me) are assuming the look is intentional. Ahem. Well, that's okay, too.

MRI Update: I called ABMG yesterday to follow up on the request for authorization and was told that it would be another five to seven days. Also, the person there indicated that the request was for MRI on both breasts. This strikes me as a mistake and what might be slowing down the process. I called the surgeon's office and left a message that I wanted to ask that he resubmit this request and make it "urgent". I've not heard back from him, so I don't know if he did it and didn't call, or if it's "in their system" or what. Anyway.

My radiation oncologist, meanwhile, had me give my info to her nurse, Donna. She felt that it was very possible that the request for both breasts might slow things down. In any case, they are pursuing the approval from their camp, so maybe between the surgeon's office and the radiation oncology office....? I mean, really. It's been three weeks since Dr. Kuan felt the lump. And I'm waiting for a #*&#$ approval. Ergh. More news when I have it....

(Have you noticed the preponderance of ellipses in this entry? Reflective of my current mood, I'm sure. Just waiting.....)

Make Me Wanna Holler

To recap: My oncologist felt something hard in my left breast (the one currently being treated with radiation everyday for breast cancer) on January 15. I had an inconclusive ultrasound last Friday, January 25. The doctor on staff at the imaging center left a message for Dr. Kuan, recommending an MRI.

On Monday, my oncologist's nurse tried to get the authorization in for the MRI, but was told that my surgeon had to request the authorization. Why? I don't know why. But she was attentive to my needs and tried to pass it on to the surgeon's office and have them get the authorization.

Someone in that office told her that I needed to come in to the office before they could do that. I was somewhat outraged by that and called the surgeon's office, explaining that I had been in to see Dr. Broderick-Villa for a follow-up in December and I didn't see the point coming in to see them just to have them say, "okay, we'll request this authorization." Dr. Broderick called back that afternoon/evening and expressed his total agreement. He was very nice and said he'd get the request to the scheduler the next day (Tuesday).

Tuesday came and went.

At the end of yesterday (Wednesday), I called the surgeon's office and asked to speak to the scheduler. She didn't expressly state it, but it sounded like she did not get the request sent to Alta Bates Medical Group (my gatekeeper for Blue Shield) until that day (Wednesday). Furthermore, she said it typically takes ABMG 15 to 20 days (!) to approve MRIs. I expressed my surprise and she said that everything changed last summer and it just takes a really long time. And if they (the surgeon's office) mark it as urgent, to try to speed up the process, it gets stuck at the bottom of the pile and takes even longer.

Out of frustration, I called Blue Shield. I expressed my dismay and the woman agreed that, indeed, 15 to 20 days was an egregiously long time. She very nicely gave me the number to file a grievance, and suggested I talk to ABMG, to verify that they could/would/might take that long.

When I get this mad and/or frustrated, I cry. It's how I'm made and I don't like it, but there it is. So, weepy and mad, I called ABMG. The woman there was very nice (*you* try being mean to a woman with breast cancer who is crying at you on the phone--I dare you) and, while she wouldn't say it never taken that long, that was the exception and she would expect that, given my history, etc. I should have approval in three to five days. She told me that the request was not yet in the system and that I should call back the next day (today) to ensure that they had received the request.

And here we are. I called ABMG today and was told that the request was entered in to the system at 1:45 p.m. today. This is four days after the ultrasound, mind you. <sigh>. The kindly gentleman told me it could take up to five to seven business days for approval. (And then we get to try to schedule something. I wonder how long *that* will take?)

If I don't hear by Wednesday of next week, I'm calling to see where it is. And then, depending on how angry I am, I'll call Blue Shield or the surgeon's office or both. (I think the scheduler at the surgeon's office has too much to do, quite frankly. I think she could have turned this around a bit faster. Which is not to take any of the pressure off ABMG. But she really didn't need to scare me into thinking I wasn't getting an MRI for another month while obfuscating the fact that she had that request for a full day before she sent it in.) See how ticked off I am?

But honestly? For all you caring, wonderful people out there, who keep emailing me or trying to "not bother me" out of love and empathy--please know that for the most part, I'm somewhat Zen about this. It is what it is and I'll find out just what that is sooner or later (looking like later right now, isn't it?) And while I don't want to talk about this bit of the unknown, that doesn't mean I don't want to talk or that I'm fragile or anything. When we know something, be sure that I will let everyone know, right away.

In the meantime, life goes on and I have completed eight of 35 scheduled radiation treatments. Yay! I've written numbers 35 through 1 on my whiteboard at work and I'm crossing off each treatment. It's extremely gratifying. :-)

It Could Be Nothing....

So, the ultrasound yielded more ambiguity. So they did a mammogram, which was similarly non-conclusive.

Dr. Wong tried to get hold of my oncologist, Dr. Kuan, but was unsuccessful. He wants to do an MRI to see if that tells us anything.

Basically, he says, the mass does not look like what he would typically think of as a cancerous mass. But he can't tell what it is and so says we need to do an MRI to see if anything has metastisized. If the MRI indicates it's not something good, or is--like everything else so far--inconclusive, then we'll do a biopsy.

Frank would prefer we just do the biopsy and cut to the chase. Me? I'm just tired.

So, we'll wait to hear from Dr. Kuan and then do the MRI. Meanwhile, I still can't talk about this. It's too frustrating and it makes me weep. And I'm so weary of weeping.

An Eventful Week

It's been a very busy four days (in a good way).

On Friday, I had my radiation simulation. They did CT scans a week or two ago so that Dr. Champion could plan my treatment. Then on Friday, the radiation "therapists" (I tend to think of them more as "technicians", but if they need to call themselves "therapists", who am I to argue?) took x-rays to verify that the plans made based on the CT scans were appropriate. And they were.

Not only is my heart completely out of scope for the radiation treatment, but my lungs are only about 1 to 1.5 centimeters in range. The therapist was trying to tell me--without sounding weird about it--that I have a good build for this. Of course, that is good news, but what a strange thing to have a good build for, don't you think?

They also gave me a schedule of all my radiation appointments. I had my first of 35 treatments today. I'll go everyday (4:30 p.m. today, Wednesday, and Thursday, and 8:30 a.m. each day thereafter) for about 30 minutes.

I checked myself in today, changed into the gown, and waited for the therapist to come get me. Then Joel and (Andrew?) lined me up to match the photos and tattoo matrices (I have three pin dot tattoos surrounding the area), and then they zapped me three times: first was the lymph node area, then the left side of the breast and then the right side. And I was done. One down, 34 to go. :-)

This weekend Maggie and I had a really wonderful time with some really wonderful people. Deirdre Bauer and I drove up to North Lake Tahoe on Friday afternoon with Maggie and Celia. Carla and Deirdre Greene joined us Saturday with Siobhan and Lila. It was a little late to start skiing, so we went to some hot springs just beyond Carson City, where we all sat in the very warm, pleasantly smelly water (about 105 degrees Fahrenheit). That night, after dinner, I got a bit tipsy for the first time since August.

The next day, the girls all went skiing/boarding (after a lesson for each--three on snowboard and Siobhan on skis) and the moms went for a walk near the lake and ended up in the bar at the Hyatt (who could have foreseen *that*?). After dinner, the girls went to see 27 Dresses and Carla taught us how to play Bridge (and more wine was drunk).

Coming home was a bit eventful: the battery on the Mercedes took issue with the 22 degree external temperature, and this is why we pay for AAA each year. Deirdre Greene and I enjoyed an eight hour drive home yesterday, but we were fairly Zen about it. It was easy to be Zen when Carla had all four of the 13-year old girls in her car. I'd say that Carla has some serious karma in her favor right now.

Le Sigh

Well, I went for my post chemo check-up with Dr. Kuan and she did what should have been a routine breast exam, just to make sure everything is okay. Unfortunately, there is something hard on my left breast, a bit beyond where scar tissue should be, closer to the nipple.

I told her that I experienced some pain in the area last night, and she's confused. Since the incision site itself is nice and soft, it's even more confusing. *Sigh* So. I'm having an ultrasound on the 25th (I know. Ten whole days. Can you even believe it?) to see if it's scar tissue (her best guess) or something else (which is why you do an ultrasound, right?)

More than anything else, I'm weary. I'm so very, very tired of this. And now, at what should be almost the end, we've got a "what is that" question. Well. There it is.

Meanwhile, still planning to start radiation. Got my "dress rehearsal" on Friday, and then I think I'm starting next Tuesday.

This weekend? Tahoe with Deirdre B, Deirdre G, Carla, and our daughters. I plan to drink. :-)

P.S. I genuinely appreciate the kind thoughts and words, but I'm not really up for talking about this right now. I'm frustrated and feeling a bit futile because I dont' have an action plan. I can't have an action plan--either way--until I know what's what. And I won't know that until the ultrasound. So, please, just try to bear with me until the 25th. And in the meantime, thanks for your patience.

Scratch "Chemo" off the To-do list

My college roommate, Melinda, recommended I write "chemo" down somewhere and then put a check mark next to it. (Actually, she recommended I write "chemo 1", "chemo 2", etc.) I went in to work today, took down the Sweeney Todd newspaper ad that's been there for about a month (sorry Johnny Depp) and wrote "Chemo" in big letters. Then I drew a line threw it.

Very satisfying.

Later at my documentation team meeting, the writers gave me a fabulous box of gourmet chocolates (there are at least two serious chocolate snobs on my team and I am grateful to reap the benefits of their strong opinions). I had two of the chocolates after dinner and I feel quite sated (and loved).

Then! I went to get my final post-chemo Neulasta shot and the nurse gave me a congratulatory bouquet of flowers. This must be de rigeur there, because all the staff kept congratulating me on finishing chemo. It made me a teensy bit weepy, I confess.

So, yay. Now, on to radiation, which, truth be told, doesn't have me too concerned. I'm expecting the tedium of the routine to kick in at some point, but as someone pointed out to me several months ago, this is a marathon. And quite frankly, after four months of chemo, seven weeks of radiation doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Check back with me, though, around week four or five ;-).

Radioactive

I had my radiation consult yesterday and I have my last chemo treatment today: this really is a week of milestones. (Yay!)

I met my radiation oncologist, Dr. Lorraine Champion, and liked her very much. ABCCC puts out a very good breast cancer treatment video and she's the narrator. (You can see her explanation of the radiation treatment here.)

They did a CT scan on me to assess how much heart and lung involvement there could potentially be in my radiation treatment. Basically, because the lungs are under the breasts, they can't totally avoid zapping them a bit, and this causes scar tissue (about 5% to 6%), which is not life-threatening. Of course, they'd prefer to avoid this with the heart, so the CT scan lets them know if they need to perform "respiratory gating". In this case, the patient has to fill the lungs, to push out the chest wall. Then, hopefully, the heart can be marginally protected. Of course, this means that you have to maintain this position during radiation and, um, can you say "kind of a drag"? Luckily, my heart is out of scope for radiation and I don't have to worry about this.

I have a simulation appointment on Friday, January 18, and then I should be starting treatment on Tuesday, January 22. Then I have 35 treatments, Monday through Friday. The entire appointment should take only about 30 minutes, so I should be able to do this either before or after work. The first 28 treatments will be for the entire left breast and for the area where they removed the ancillary lymph nodes (left armpit). The final seven treatments will be for the tumor area only. They call this "boost radiation".

And there's your Radiation 101.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be at my final chemo treatment. All in all, I have been extremely fortunate and have not suffered as much as many people I see in the waiting room at the Cancer Center. I thank my parents, Ralph and Nancy, for some extremely hardy genes.

And thanks again to all my friends, family, and co-workers who have helped with chemo, by providing company, or food, or housecleaning, or flowers, or just not telling me when I looked less than my best. I feel so inordinately lucky.

Hemoglobin Be Damned....

....full steam ahead. :-)

My hemoglobin continues to hover in the 9's (9.4 yesterday, to be precise), so still no aranesp shot. But, all in all, that seems fine at this point.

Dr. Kuan says that a study was done that seems to link use of the shot with recurrence. She also feels that the study was one of those "let's give 900 mg of something to a rat and see what happens" experiments, rather than something that would actually indicate if something helped. (I love how rational she is.) Her point was that the insurance companies are using the questionable findings from the research to avoid giving the shot.

Furthermore, even if my hemoglobin drops below 9 (normal is 12 or above, btw) next week, it's my last infusion. So, while they might consider giving me a transfusion, it's doubtful because my system will start to recover within a few days of the infusion and we won't be throwing anymore toxins its way in the next few months, and my blood counts will start to recover all on their very own.

So, there it is. I'll be a good girl and try to get some iron into my system.

Meanwhile, the hot flashes are driving my tired soul crazy. Between anemia and menopause, I'm tired and cranky and a bit crazy. Please--if you see my family--be kind to them. They are having to exhibit major amounts of patience with me lately.

And honestly? The phrase "hot flashes" is a bit coy. I feel like I'm going to immolate several times a day. I'm so not kidding.

See? Even this entry sounds cranky. <sigh> I'm sorry.

In other news? We're starting on our "office" this week. It's Frank's and my Christmas present to each other. California Closets will be working its magic in the room just off the kitchen and everything should be done around mid-February.

Oh! and we booked hotel and flight for a week in NYC for our 25th anniversary this June. Something to look forward to, after all this nonsense is finished.